Someone told me the other day that I shouldn’t want to be happy. That happiness isn’t what I should be looking for. He told me to look for satisfaction. I asked if he doesn’t think that everyone wants to be happy. He said maybe they do, but maybe they shouldn’t. I was confused. He told me that I was operating in highs and lows – and that was my downfall. Why was I using these parameters to describe my life? Why was I looking to be happy, when I could instead be satisfied? If I could find a neutral, middle ground; if I could be at the level from where falling down wasn’t possible, shouldn’t I look for that? I guess when I actually heard these words out loud, I realised that he was right. That I couldn’t hope for happiness; that I should hope for satisfaction. Peace, wisdom, intellect, he said, I should hope for. Not happiness.
In One Tree Hill, Julian once tells Brooke that people often think of happiness as a destination. That if people thought of happiness not as a destination but as a condition – as a state of mind that changes, maybe people would find happiness more often. I liked to believe in this. I liked to believe that I could think of happiness as a condition.
Then someone told me to think about satisfaction and not happiness. Suddenly, I didn’t want happiness. I didn’t want to think about achieving something that would make me happy – I wanted to think about achieving something that would satisfy me.
Now I think maybe there will be no downfall for me because I know that somewhere along all of it I will be satisfied.
Last night, before sleeping this notification popped up on my screen and it made me SO happy because when I look at the years that I’ve been here for it amazes me how far I’ve come (in life, and writing, and everything else).
Also, it crazy amazes me that people actually read and comment and that makes me happy. My title is a tiny bit misleading because I also care about One Direction’s anniversary and I am a 22 year-old girl who is not ashamed of it.
Happy Anniversary to me!
This whole month I’ve spent in front of my TV screen watching netflix all day (or binge-watching one tree hill).
Here’s what I’ve watched over this month!
1) Elite: This is a Spanish show and so I had to watch it with English subtitles (I also tried the English dubbed version but that seems really weird). The show itself is great – Its about an elite school where three new kids get admission through a scholarship. The show has eight episodes and is a flashback to the days the new kids spend in this school which ultimately lead to a murder.
2) Bandersnatch: There are only a handful of people now who don’t really know about Bandersnatch. Bandersnatch is Netflix’s first interactive movie. Though the movie itself seems really pointless, the whole act of sitting there and choosing what your character is doing (right from the cereal he has to eat to whether he should kill his father), the movie is great. I watched for a whole two hours choosing away!
3) Manto: Manto is a Hindi movie based on the life of Pakistani poet Sadat Hassan Manto who on various occasions had been arrested for obscenity in his writings. The movie is beautiful. All throughout, Manto’s poems are recited and the movie follows his life from being in India to moving to Pakistan after partition. In my opinion, it is a must watch.
4) Soorma: Soorma literally translates to ‘Warrior’. Soorma is a movie based on the true life story of an Indian Hockey player who just before playing in the world cup, was injured by a stray bullet while traveling in the train to join the Indian team. This injury then left him paralysed from the waist down at the age of twenty. The movie showcases his life from his childhood, his injury, and his ultimate return to the team as its captain. The movie made me cry at various points and is beautiful.
Ending my 2018 with a happier heart than I ended my 2017;
Since exams start in 3 days, I’ve been busy struggling with the syllabus load. The best part of this whole process would be that I spend most hours listening to music side by side!
This is my current playlist that helps me get through over ten hours of sitting on the desk and procrastinating:
1) Without me – Halsey
2) Trust my Lonely – Alessia Cara
3) Happy Now – Kygo
4) Revelation – Troye Sivan
5) Shallow – Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper
6) Cold/Mess – Prateek Kuhad
7) Bad Liar – Imagine Dragons
Have you heard any of these recently? 🙋🏻♀️
Over these years at college, I have discovered a ton of new authors. Neil Gaiman, I discovered around 2 years back when I first read The Ocean at the End of the Lane.
After this, Neil Gaiman had regularly been a feature in my books to read list.
The Graveyard Book is exactly as it sounds – mysterious but heart warming. The book tells the story of Nobody, an orphaned boy raised by ghosts in a graveyard!
No matter how kiddish the book sounds, it is so much more than that. It has a brilliant flow of writing and the story keeps you engaged all throughout. The book follows Nobody from his parents’ death, to being five, and inevitably going to school.
Neil Gaiman’s writing is beautiful and extremely easy to grasp. The story is narrated by Nobody and that just makes it easier for anyone to read it.
Fair Warning: I cried at the ending.
One of the only perks of having a long extended family in the depts of Rajasthan, India, is that you get to attend a ton of weddings! Marwari weddings are unlike any other ever – there are a million small and tiny pujas, there are innumerable functions and the shaadi itself happens at super odd hours (my mama (“uncle”) had his wedding ceremony at 4:00 AM in the morning!)
Inspite the hectic-ness of the whole thing, attending wedding functions at home is a lot of fun. Its almost like a mini reunion of a long list of relatives that you havent seen in a long time.
It had been a while since I took a whole week off for a wedding and thats why when my grandfather told me that my mama’s shaadi had been finalised – I was really excited (Plus, the dates fell bang in the middle of my semester break!)
I ended up inviting a few of my friends as well and since the wedding was in my home town, we did a ton of sightseeing and ate a LOT of local fried food and clicked a trillion pictures (obviously).
All in all, my mama got married and I had a much needed mini vacation!