WWYD?

What if there’s one person you really want to tell something to, and that’s the one person you completely cannot tell this thing to?

For everyone who hasn’t seen/read The Fault in Our Stars; its about two teenagers who both have cancer and who fall in love and one of them dies (because obviously how else are you going to make everyone cry?) When Augustus dies, Hazel is heartbroken, and her parents try communicating with her all day. She’s sitting all alone on her swing set and she’s hating this simple fact that everyone wants to talk to her about Gus’ death. This is what she thinks at that exact moment: “The only person I wanted to talk to about Augustus Waters death, was Augustus Waters.” 

For obvious reasons, she couldn’t.

What if this happens to you once in a while? What if there’s just one person in this entire universe you want to tell something to and that’s just the one person you absolutely cannot tell this thing to? It could be anything. You want to tell something to your best friend but she would hate you for saying that. So you don’t tell her. But you really, really don’t want to tell anyone else.

When you look back, this seems like such a common dilemma. At any time in life, you’re stuck with this piece of information, or you have this advice you wanna give out, or just this massive feeling and the only person you want to tell is the person you can’t! – Maybe this information is about them, maybe this advice would seem to them as you overstepping your boundaries, But you really don’t want to tell anyone else. You want their opinion, their voice, their talk. But they’re your figurative Augustus Waters.

So, what would you do?

Happy Mother’s Day, Mom!

“Mother’s Day is a celebration honoring the mother of the person, as well as motherhood, maternal bonds, and the influence of mothers in society. It is celebrated on various days in many parts of the world, most commonly in the months of March or May.” – This is what wikipedia describes Mother’s Day as.

I personally think Mother’s Day is a lot more than just one day of honouring moms. I think everyday is a just another version of Mother’s Day. If you really think about it, we aren’t doing anything different on Mother’s Day than we’re doing on every other day. Sure, we’ll get her gift, or take her our for a meal, or maybe even cook a meal! But at the end of the day, she’s the one taking out the trash, she’s putting the clothes up for washing, she is doing everything she’s been doing since she became a mother.

Its Mother’s Day (14th May) today here in India, and since I have exams starting from tomorrow, I’m not with my mother. Even though its supposed to be a ‘special day’ for her, I’m 1000000% sure she’s gone running, or cycling now. Then she’ll be back and cook breakfast (and since its a Sunday it’ll be a special breakfast) and she’ll do everything she needs to do.

Happy Mother’s Day, Mom! Please eat some chocolate cake!

In other news,
My mother now writes a blog as well! She’s just started but she’s becoming really dedicated, really quickly. Go check out her blog ❤

Mom’s Blog!

Its my face, and its my acne!

I don’t think the title of the post gives away the frustration that when in to writing this post; since I’m 99.99% sure it doesn’t, this is how frustrated I was:

 

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SO now since everyone is up to date –

I have tons of acne. Not kidding. I’ve had acne problems since what feels like forever (its not forever though I had beautifully clear skin back in 2011). Anyway, the point of this post is this: I have acne. I’ve made peace with it. I’ve made peace with my acne and we don’t fight anymore. So the acne isn’t a problem anymore. What the actual problem is people (isn’t it always but?). People. People who think they have a right to comment on my face, or my acne, or better yet, give solutions! Excuse me, does this look like your face, or your problem? I don’t think so, because from here it looks like my face and subsequently my problem!

Everywhere I go, there will be at least 1 person who’s decided to comment on my face: “Oh why do you have so many marks?”
“I have the perfect solution!”
“It worked so well for my brother, it’ll work wonders on you.”

The problem with people is even if you ignore them, They. Will. Not. Stop. Talking. I often wonder though, is this a problem with people, or is this a problem with Indians? What do you think?
Getting back to the point of this blog post, I was traveling in the Mumbai local train with my friends. I’m sitting peacefully, minding my own business – not even throwing dirty glares at aunties talking obnoxiously loudly! Out of nowhere, this lady taps my hand and then starts off a long and annoying and filled with really, really bad vocabulary rant about what I should do for my acne! Hello, who asked you? I don’t even know you! The woman doesn’t stop till she gets down, and also shows me pictures of her boyfriend who has beautiful skin now! And guess what? Just before she gets down, she says these exact words in Hindi: “If you need ANY help at all, do not hesitate to contact me, okay?” Random train woman gives zero fucks that I haven’t responded to any part of the conversation.

After she leaves, an old aunty who thinks she knows all the life hacks in the world, starts off. First, by stating that everything random woman spoke was false and the only true cure to acne is Ayurvedic medicine! Wow. Thanks for this piece of advice random old aunty to a person who’s dealt with acne since you were annoying: FOREVER.

These two instances were just two isolated events. I can’t even begin to talk about the amount of times random people have tried to give me advice like they’ve known me since I was in kindergarten. So I think its safe to say that I LOATHE people who think they’ve got the right to advice me about my health issues. The only people with that right are my parents, my brother and my doctor. So if you don’t feature in this really small and concise list, I have one advice for you:

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Thanks for getting me overly-attached

I have this friend at college who in the past few months has became way too important to me. And the worst part is that he’s overly nice, and overly happy, overly cheerful, and overly friendly and just makes me happy whenever he’s with me.

I also fought with him in January and cried over him tons and tons and that’s when I realized how much he means to me; much, much more than so many other people that I know.

What I usually get sad and disappointed about (and then start overthinking about) is that what if he eventually gets tired of me? What if he decides to get more ‘happening’ friends, or spend all the time he spends with me with people much more interesting? And then I realize that the amount of power his opinion has over me is ridiculous and I want to slap myself hard for getting this overly-attached; for making him matter so much to me when it might not even be two-way.

Right now, at this point, he is one of my favouritest people and I’m perfectly happy with that – What I’m not happy with is how could I let myself be so stupid as to become so overly-attached?

June Goals Achieved!

For June, 2016 I had two major goals. This was my summer break and thus I decided to make the most of it!

Now the thing is, whenever something big happens with me, I don’t particularly like telling people. Like when my parents shifted cities and I was living alone, or like when I shifted to a girls hostel; I usually just wait for people to find out on their own.

But now since here no one really knows me personally, I can tell you guys yay!

So my two major summer goals were: Getting my hair coloured and getting a tattoo, and I’ve done both! So proud of myself (self high five!)

Photo on 6-7-16 at 12.53 AM #2

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‘ohana’ means family in Hawaiian (yes, just like Lilo and Stich!)

So there you go: My June goals were successfully achieved 😀

The Only All Nighter Ever?

Okay, it technically  wasn’t an all nighter, but gosh it felt like one! And it was definitely the most stressed night of my 19 year old life!

So, I just got done with exams today, and I’m so relived these past few weeks have been the most stressed weeks of law school. Now, to my ‘almost’ all nighter; My second paper was on the Law of Evidence and god, we had SO much to study! Way too much! And I really, really wanted to do well because I really, really like the teacher he’s so nice and cute, ugh! So a day before the exam, I was home by 2:00 PM after giving my first exam. And that morning I’d gotten up at 8:00 AM(yeah, yeah I know its not that early). Now starts my struggle with the stupid ass subject and no sleep and tension x 1000000.

At the end of the day, it was 1:00 AM and I was still awake with like half the portion left! What, is this hell or law school? Now the exam the next day was at 10:30, so I decided to get some shut eye at around  4:00 AM.( DO YOU GUYS SEE IT? I WAS AWAKE FROM 8 IN THE MORNING TO 4 THE NEXT MORNING) I had so officially lost my mind by then that I was staring at my textbook, and the only thoughts running through my head were ‘sex, sex, sex’ and I don’t even get why because you guys I haven’t even had my first kiss yet! So then I slept at 4:00 and I was up again at 7:00 AM. Wow, wow, I know! And as I told you my mind was officially dead, so instead of studying, my head was shamelessly counting the hours I’d been awake(way to go, brain!) So here are my flawless calculations: I WAS AWAKE FOR 20 HOURS OUT OF 23 HOURS YOU GUYS

Also, also, also, if you add my sleepless night the from the day before(for my CPC paper), I was awake at 7:00 AM on Sunday to 3:00 AM the next morning and then back up at 8:00 on the day of the paper, and thus:

I WAS AWAKE FOR 40 HOURS OUT OF 48 HOURS.

I mind and my body and my health were officially gone and dead and I was gone and dead and I still had two exams left. But now I’m done and SO SO SO relieved, God!

Now, I know people do have actual all nighters, but I don’t get how? Like what, I need my sleep. I need my sleep like all day everyday! How do you guys stay up partying and drinking and stay up for exams and sleepovers, what? I can’t! My eyes don’t function and clearly my brain doesn’t function. So kudos to you great people to stay up all night!

 

Oh, oh but I have had one all nighter in my life! Yes, yes I have! It was my mom’s brother’s wedding in 2013 and Hindu weddings always happen at weird ass times, I swear to god. So his official wedding ceremony thing started at 4:00 in the morning and was over around 2 hours later but the night before was the whole celebration thing and dinner with guests and stuff, so my cousins and all of us were up all night!( cue one direction!)

 

 

You’ve got an Inferiority Complex!

Today at college, our Evidence professor decided to get everyone to speak on anything for a few minutes. Anything at all. The whole point of this was that he’d teach us just exactly how to speak to the public later on in life.

I hate speaking in class. I hate speaking anywhere in public. I have, and always have had stage fright and thus speaking in front of any group that exceeds ten people is not my cup of tea. But funnily, today I actually wasn’t afraid of speaking. I wanted to speak! Everyone in class got up and spoke about different things like climate change, staying away from home, depression, Donald Trump and many other things. It was kind of resolved that he was going to make everyone speak and thus I had decided what I was going to speak about. But I didn’t get called up. The one time I actually wanted to speak, I didn’t get called up. (Thanks college)

However, this was something that had been on my mind a long time and I really wanted to say it out aloud. But not to any one person, I wanted it to be something I wasn’t addressing to a single person, but to many people so no one could really comment on it by themselves. Since I didn’t get to at college, here goes:

 

When I was out with my college friend one day, we saw this really pretty girl with perfect skin. I looked at her and turned to my friend and said to him,”Why can’t I get that?” He stared at her and then looked at me and said,”You know what your problem is? You have an inferiority complex.” This was no surprise to me. I know I have a massive inferiority complex. What was a surprise though, was that he would say it. It’s like with everything else. Whenever someone else points out your flaws, you don’t want to accept it. You know they’re right, but you just can’t get yourself to say it.
This was like that.
I didn’t say anything as he continued. He said,”I’ve never met anyone with a bigger inferiority complex that you. You look at people, and all you do is compare. You compare everything with them, and you always find yourself less.” I just shrugged. It was true. I mean, if someone is better, why would I not? He further told me that I had a very negative opinion of myself and that I was always complaining about to having a boyfriend, and that this could easily change if I changed myself. The thing is, I’ve always maintained that boys here only date girls who are pretty and thin and look good. (Idk maybe you have more considerate boys elsewhere, but not in India) So I told him. I told him the reason I don’t have one is because I look like a potato. He just rolled his eyes. He said,”The first time I saw you, I felt you were a rude person. But after I got to know you, I realized you were an amazing person. And only rude sometimes.” I smiled at him and told him, jokes apart, I did feel that I had a good personality, and that there were times when I had a good sense of humour. Enough people have told me that I’m a fun person to be with. So then why couldn’t I get guys, actual guys that I like, to see beyond my face? One of my friends made us meet her boyfriend recently, and later she was telling me that he found me ‘superb’. Okay, but why can’t boyfriend material for me, find me superb?

I think after a while I figured it out. When I’m with friends, I’m a completely different person than when I’m with someone I could potentially like. For example, when I first met my friend Kai, I started talking to him by myself. Asked him all kinds of questions and made enough conversation. But the first time I talked to the boy I liked at college, I was a mess. I kept thinking if I speak too much, will he think I blabber nonsense? Or, if I make stupid jokes, will he find me lame? And I didn’t even have any feelings for him then! This was the first time I was talking to him. There was just this weird feeling that he would mean more to me than some other people I’d recently met. And because I was so guarded and thought 20,000 times before speaking, he never really got to know how I really was. Because who I was with him, that’s not how I was. I was so much more and so much better.