Posted in Personal

When I actually mean the sorry I’m telling you:

It’s so weird but over the years I’ve realized that people (including myself) misuse the English language SO much. People use words without meaning them, or use them without understanding them, and I’ve started hating that a lot. Where people tell you they love some random netflix show, but they just like going home to visit. (Can you really feel more for that show than you feel for home?).

For a lot of things in life, I have mini internal rules. Rules that I follow wholeheartedly and without anyone finding out they exist. One of my rules (its actually sometimes a little hard to follow) is that I never say sorry to anyone who doesn’t matter. My rule is not wide or senseless. For example, if I step on someone’s shoe while walking to the bus station, I will apologize – my rule only applies for people I actually know. So for example, I do something and I end up hurting someone’s feelings, the only time I will apologize is when I actually care about this someone’s forgiveness. Where I look at this person and think, “oh you are not someone I want to hurt”. But where someone doesn’t matter, I can’t do it. I don’t apologize (because I don’t care).

I like to think my rule works really well for me. It helps me prioritize people and mostly reminds me who I am actually letting my brain think about. If I’m not apologizing to you, you don’t matter and I don’t think about you. Sometimes this weirdly simple logic that I use makes me wish other people also used it because that way I could tell who cared about me. I would know instantly if I was being thought about (or alternatively, not being thought about).

I once read somewhere that a lot depends on whom you let get access to you. That your day can change depending on who is running it (you, or someone else, etc.). When I think about that, I feel like it becomes very important for me to reevaluate the people in my everyday life. Do you really matter enough for me to say sorry to you? When I can answer that, I can easily figure who is getting access to me and positively change my day!

 

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