An Open Letter –

An Open Letter to the Boy whose friendship I left behind,

I’ve read that if you’ve known someone for longer than seven years, that friendship lasts for a lifetime. Funny how that never seemed to work for us. Its stupid logic and I would love to blame it for everything we lost, but you and I both know that the only reason we lost anything was because of each other.

I’m not lying when I say this – for about 6 months of my life, you were my best friend. My favourite person. My numero uno. I told you everything, I took advice about everything from you and I spent every day looking forward to spending time with you. Sometimes, I like to sit back and blame you for everything. For not texting back, for not giving me the time of the day, for not remembering my birthday. Other days I prefer blaming the circumstances, the environment, the people we were surrounded by. I like to think that I did everything in my power to salvage our friendship, and that you, you did nothing. 

The other day I saw you and we smiled at each other. A few minutes later I saw you talking to another girl. My best friend asked me if it bothered me. I said no. But to be honest, it bothered me. It bothered me to think that if everything that happened hadn’t happened, you and I would be talking like this. You and I, we’re okay right now. But if everything that happened hadn’t happened, you and I, we would have been the same. 

You once told me that in a run of around 10 years, we’ve had 1 bad year and we’re the better for it. I wish I could agree. I think, one bad year completely destroyed us, and I think we tried to come back, but we really couldn’t. If there is a half year resolution, mine would be that you get the best of everything in life because you deserve nothing less. 

Sometimes I can’t help but miss you desperately. Sometimes I can’t believe how powerful one year can be. Most days, I still blame you for giving up on what could have been a lifelong friendship. But after a year of fighting and reflections, I know it wasn’t your fault. Not really. I once read, “People don’t grow apart, they allow themselves to grow apart.” 

90% of the time, I want go back in time and erase every fight and every mistake. The other 10% of the time I want to move on, and I want you to move on but never forget that no matter where life takes us, I’ll always be there when you really need me. I’m rooting for my 10%.

The Girl who’s learning to Move On

13 thoughts on “An Open Letter –

  1. I related so much to this – this was absolutely beautiful. I hope that you can both move on and that you’ll be happy. This kind of thing is so heartbreaking but you become strong at the end of it. Thank you for this xx

  2. This hit me. I have a friend who was the BEST friend. We told each other everything and we were super close. I even told her things off the bat that I didn’t tell my other best friends because she has that casual vibe so I know that she won’t ask for more and make the conversation serious. I depended on that.

    But suddenly after high school, she completely cut me off. She didn’t get into a good college because of her marks and she was super sad that she’s taking a year off while everyone else will move on. She felt embarrassed to talk to me, which I found hurtful, because I don’t care about her being in a college or not. Another best friend of mine took a year off as well and, in fact, it has been the best year for our friendship because she depended on me and I depended on her. It worked out.

    But with the former friend, it didn’t. I was super hurt and I had to reach out so many times to get a reply. She even joined twitter, where I’m pretty active, and was active and didn’t tell me. I found her account by accident and I DMed her there as well, to no reply. Honestly, that complete cut off hurt so bad because I didn’t know what I did wrong!

    Eventually she messaged me on Goodreads (of all places) and both got our hurt out on each other and she asked to go back to the way we were. I was all for it, I said yes because I missed her. But somehow I couldn’t. I couldn’t forget that she iced me out and she could do it again. I was waiting for the other shoe to drop. I was there for her during the really bad times in senior year but when I was feeling alone and unsure in college and with family situation, she didn’t reply.

    Eventually we let it fade and are not even talking anymore but.. it’s okay because I’ve got friends with whom I’ve become closer to during the bad days. I’m just taking it “for the best”.

    Anyway, I’m sorry I ranted so much. It’s just that I really related to your post. And I’m sorry it happened to you as well.

    1. Wow.
      I relate SO MUCH.

      I completely understand what you’re talking about. Its the number one worst feeling in the world when someone you value so much stops valuing you. Its sucks.

      I hope things get better for you really soon. Also, never ever ever apologize for ranting.
      I’m always here so yay.

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