AOL

An Open Letter to the girl who Loved me and died;

Waking up at 6:30 AM in the morning is no joke. A lot of effort goes into prying your eyes open and getting ready for the day. In fact, a lot of effort goes into trying to get more than 5 hours of decent sleep. In such circumstances, being woken up by the continuous ringing of my cellphone at 3:36 AM is not my preferred start to the day. 

Over three long years, I’ve tried my best to forget my ex-roommate’s call at 3:36 AM on the morning of 22nd August. Who wants to be woken up to the news that his best friend from college days was involved in a car accident, and died? Now I know why you always hated people who drove like  nothing mattered – because in that moment, I hated them too. 

When I look back at everything you’ve ever done for me, one single memory stands out. That one seemingly random afternoon when you came up to me and in hushed tones told me you loved me; and all I could say was “But I’ve always seen you as a sister.” You and I, we promised each other that nothing would come in the way of our friendship, that we wouldn’t let the situation get awkward. Fast forward one week and you texted me, “You haven’t even talked to me all week.” I know I didn’t say it then, but know this: It wasn’t that I hadn’t talked to you, it was that I was becoming too much for you. I was taking up all your thoughts and all your time, and now I knew I was taking up all your love. 

Then we drifted apart. You graduated, and I was still here. You knew I hated texting and so you never texted, but you always, always called me up once in a while. I don’t know how to apologize for never picking up. 

I hadn’t talked to you in over 16 months when Sebastian called me up at 3:36 AM in the morning. I’m not kidding when I say that I spent the next 16 hours wondering what I ever did to deserve your love. I treated you as dispensable, when you were, and always will be, the most indispensable person I’ve ever know. You were there when those tall girls with sly smiles broke my heart, and you were there when my anxiety got the better of me. You listened to me complain and rant, and you listened to stories about all my dates. Even when I came up and called you fake, you never left. You stood by me through everything, even when I couldn’t do the same. 

I was always too late in everything. On your birthday that one year, I was the last person to wish you – I know I’m too late to say this but know that my words and actions may have fallen short, but I never stopped caring for you. I never stopped missing you when you graduated and left. I never stopped thinking about calling you and talking to you. 

When you died, I couldn’t help but remember everything about you. Your silly obsession with boybands, your one beer per night policy, you asking me to stop smoking, you. I can’t  help but wonder how many times you cried when we fought, for how long did you wait before texting me after a fight? I know your best friend hated me and I know she felt I didn’t care. But I always did. I never knew I could miss you anymore than how much I missed you when college went on break for 2 months. But it’s been three years, and each day I miss you more. 

You will always be my favourite person to talk to, and I will always hate that boy who made you doubt yourself. And I will still not know how to thank you for every word, every moment, every phone call. 

Yours sincerely,
The boy who took too much and couldn’t give too much.

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“My Inspiration’s Run Dry”

Its been a whole week since college started (second last year of law school – self high five!), and to be quite honest, I’ve handled things pretty well.

My new goal for this 10th Trimester is to be happy and stress free – to accept things and still not get crazed and angry. Seeing as only 6 days have gone bye, I can’t really say how well this has been going. However, I have been coping!

In other news, I seem to have lost all and any kind of inspiration. My thoughts and ideas have vanished and dried up and there’s really nothing going on to blog about. On the bright side of all of this, I’ve been staying really healthy – both mentally and physically, and let me tell you, it is the best feeling ever. My acne has improved so much, and my brain isn’t continuously muddled with crazy thoughts about anything and everything. Also, my reading is on an all time high and I’ve read some really exiting books this summer (Case in Point: Hear the Wind Sing and Pinball by Haruki Murakami)

This post is quite pointless other than the fact that I really, really wanted to write and couldn’t really come up with anything to write about.

 

 

P. S – I’m actually not hating college that much right now!

Quote: Dead Poets Society

I haven’t been here since way too long. Mostly because I’ve been at home (eating A LOT of mother’s cooking) and thus having no time to open my laptop once in a while. But also mostly because I’ve had nothing at all to write about.

But, college resumes on the 10th of July, 2017 – just for everyone to keep up: this starts my fourth year at law school. And in the spirit of that, here’s one of my all time favourites from a must watch movie.

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Dead Poets Society is a brilliant, simple movie that stays with you long after you’re done watching it. Yes, I cried. And yes, you will cry. But this movie is so good, you should not be not watching this movie.

Robin Williams plays an English professor at an all boys’ school and he plays it with such finesse that it will leave you wishing you had him as your professor. He comes to this school to teach teenagers and has a greater impact on them than the Headmaster asks for. Oh and also, he has a greater impact on you, that you asked for.

WWYD?

What if there’s one person you really want to tell something to, and that’s the one person you completely cannot tell this thing to?

For everyone who hasn’t seen/read The Fault in Our Stars; its about two teenagers who both have cancer and who fall in love and one of them dies (because obviously how else are you going to make everyone cry?) When Augustus dies, Hazel is heartbroken, and her parents try communicating with her all day. She’s sitting all alone on her swing set and she’s hating this simple fact that everyone wants to talk to her about Gus’ death. This is what she thinks at that exact moment: “The only person I wanted to talk to about Augustus Waters death, was Augustus Waters.” 

For obvious reasons, she couldn’t.

What if this happens to you once in a while? What if there’s just one person in this entire universe you want to tell something to and that’s just the one person you absolutely cannot tell this thing to? It could be anything. You want to tell something to your best friend but she would hate you for saying that. So you don’t tell her. But you really, really don’t want to tell anyone else.

When you look back, this seems like such a common dilemma. At any time in life, you’re stuck with this piece of information, or you have this advice you wanna give out, or just this massive feeling and the only person you want to tell is the person you can’t! – Maybe this information is about them, maybe this advice would seem to them as you overstepping your boundaries, But you really don’t want to tell anyone else. You want their opinion, their voice, their talk. But they’re your figurative Augustus Waters.

So, what would you do?

Arrow Season 5 Finale!

Spoilers of all kinds ahead! 

If you watched Episode No. 22 of Arrow’s season five, you would’ve desperately been waiting for the finale. I have two words for the finale: Worth it.
Arrow’s Season 5 finale starts with Oliver teaming up with Nyssa Al-Ghul, Malcom Merlyn and Slade Wilson (all kinds of ‘yesssssssss’ for that!) and flying over to Lian You to rescue practically everyone he’s ever loved.

Arrow’s little and superb team is up against Adrian Chase (who I LOVED till he turned full psycho), Black Siren, Evelyn, Taliaa Al-Ghul and then there’s the problem of Oliver’s cute little son being held hostage.

All, in all the episode is brilliant beyond words and much, much, much better than the Season 4 finale.

Everyone’s facing off against each other and I couldn’t get enough of Slade and Malcolm! The episode has various tear-worthy moments and for 90% of the episode you’re sitting and going crazy. The kickass finale ends with Oliver’s flashbacks coming back to a full circle as they show the first scene of the first episode of the first season as the last flashback scene.

The episode ends with no one knowing who’s alive other than Oliver and his son.
(If the writers have killed off Rene, Dinah, Slade, or Quentin I’m going to be really, really unhappy)

If you’ve never watched Arrow, this is the correct time to start!

Living and breathing Harry Styles

The past two weeks of this month, other than all studying and cramming of A LOT of case laws, my two weeks have just been 24 hours everyday of Harry Styles.

I think everyone already knows this – but for someone who doesn’t, I have unreservedly been a huge fan of One Direction for years. And Harry Styles has been my sad, little weakness since I discovered the band in 2012. Harry Styles released his solo album on 12th May (GO LISTEN) and I fell in love all over again.

Starting this Monday (15th May), Harry Styles spent all week on The Late, Late Show with James Corden which meant that every new day it had a ton of new videos for me to drool over and cry about. There’s something unique about being a 20 year old adult and still obsessing over boy band material: You feel no shame whatsoever in making the said boy band material your phone’s wallpaper.

Since the last few days have just been all Harry Styles, I have also been just asking everyone I know to watch the sam videos that I have been watching on repeat all day (also, all night)

Here’s one of my absolute favourite videos of him, singing my favourite song from his album and wearing smashing clothes and making me really emotionally frustrated.

Harry Styles: Two Ghosts

If you haven’t yet listened to the album or haven’t been fully convinced to watch any of the above said beautiful videos, take a look at this;

'The Today Show' Citi Concert Series, New York, USA - 09 May 2017

I mean, do you know of other really, really cute singers today who can pull this off?
Do yourself a favour: Listen to Harry Styles, and then watch the videos and then watch as you transform into an emotional and sexual mess.