My friend and I have been a fan of photography for quite a while now. Almost a month ago, we decided to start one of those instagram pages and post pictures we’d taken over the last 2-3 years. So for this page, we decided we’d do a row of photos of books because obviously I love books and they look pretty amazing in various settings.
For this project, I went around the house with some of my books and took some pictures and then I realised my books always, always deserve a post of their own!
It’s nothing really as dramatic as just reading the header of this post feels but I did do a thing. I’ve been reading on and off on wattpad for almost eight years now. My friend introduced me to it and I mostly used it for Harry Potter and Supernatural fan fiction, and then I moved on to a ton of LGBTQ original stories. It has always blown my mind how really good some people that are writing there are. Their stories can easily make you feel so many things and I constantly re-read many of my favourites.
This thing I did, it was a pretty random decision. A decision really shaped by the fact that I have nothing but time on my hands. So I wrote a story, and then I entered it into a contest. It’s a pretty basic story for a large scale contest so I always knew I shouldn’t expect much but writing it made me feel really nice. It gave me something to do and something to plan and something to look forward to. I wrote almost around 11,000 words and it’s definitely the longest singular piece of writing I could’ve ever dreamed of writing.
I guess 2020 hasn’t been all bad: https://my.w.tt/GBn9t7NAAbb
I’ve been watching Supernatural since 2010, I’ve loved Supernatural since 2010 and I’m pretty sure I’ve shipped Dean and Cas since 2010. Supernatural aired it’s third last episode yesterday. I think I was always dreading it – I knew that Cas would mostly die, so I knew I’d cry but a part of me was maybe a little bit ready. I’ve always known there aren’t many ways to end Supernatural other than a lot of death.
Episode 18, titled ‘Despair’ was worse. Cas has died five times already, and now that I’ve looked back at it, all five times have been for Dean. Honestly, what hasn’t Cas done for Dean? If you’ve shipped anyone as long as I’ve shipped Destiel, I feel that maybe you get what I’m going to say now.
Cas made a deal a few seasons ago, something I hoped would never come into play – but why would it be a thing if Supernatural wasn’t going to break our hearts with it? This deal was simple – whenever Cas achieves true happiness, he will die and be sent to a pretty bad place. A huge, huge part of me has always believed that Cas’ true happiness is Dean. A huge part has also always believed that CW would never make Destiel a thing so maybe Cas would be okay.
Episode 18 made Destiel a thing. Imagine knowing that you’ve wanted to see something happen for almost 10 years and you’ve also know it probably won’t, so you’re content with what you get – and then it happens. But hey, it only happens for a minute and you lose it all over again. Now this sucks because all these years you’ve survived without it and now how can you when you’ve glimpsed how life would be with it?
Dean and Cas are trapped by Death who’s coming to kill them. Cas, sweet, amazing, selfless Cas then lets Dean in on a secret – that he made a deal and this deal can potentially save them now. Cas then proceeds to give the most romantic monologue on Supernatural, on tv, on CW; probably anywhere else. Cas first tells him that he always wondered what his true happiness would look like because he thinks that he what he truly wants, he can’t really get – I know, and if you were watching this you’d also know – he’s talking about Dean. Cas then tells Dean everything that he’s been afraid of hearing for many, many years. That Dean is not the angry, broken down person he believes he is. That Dean is the most caring person here, and that Cas will never meet another human being who is more sincere and loving than Dean is.
I think my favourite part is definitely when Cas tells Dean that he’s changed him. It’s actually pretty obvious how much Dean and Cas have changed each other but having Cas acknowledge it is amazing. And then Cas says something which I could probably write down forever on every surface – “I cared for the whole world because of you”
Dean, he’s so confused. I think he starts off by not understanding where anything is going but it doesn’t take long for him to understand. He asks Cas why all this sounds like a goodbye and Cas says because it is. And then he says I Love You. I’ve seen so,so,so many I love you’s and nothing will ever mean as much as Cas finally saying it to Dean meant. Dean, he can barely get four words out before Cas is gone.
The thing is I know, I’m pretty sure actually that Dean feels the same – has felt the same for years. But in a space of barely three minutes his best friend tells him that he loves him, that he’s changed him for the better and that he’s going to die. If I was Dean, I wouldn’t have even fathomed what exactly was happening.
Then Cas is gone and Dean is left once again to put himself back together again. The episode ended with Dean just sitting and sobbing: sobbing like Dean has never sobbed before. And Dean, he’s lost so many people that he’s loved, he’s lost Cas so many times but nothing like this. Dean sobbing like he’s lost everything is enough to know what he feels, even if he doesn’t know himself yet.
It’s weird but books have always been a huge part of me. No matter what time or day or occasion or feeling, books are this comforting thing that is just always there. Maybe this is why I’ve grown so protective of my bookshelves over the years – always cleaning and arranging and re-arranging them. Every year, I have different goals for how many books I want to read in that year and I always have this list with me of books to be read, to be bought and to be re-read. Here are 3 books that I can pretty much pick up whenever and be happy with:
1) The Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller: I read this book around 3-4 years ago and I have re-read parts of it so, so many times. This is such an emotional read that I can’t help but dive right back into the heartbreaking parts.
2) Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix: Someone once told me that I was way too old for re-reading Harry Potter, but I’m not sure that’s a thing. I don’t believe I could ever go too far from what Harry Potter has meant to be. The 5th book is and will always be my favourite one, something I pretty much pick up and randomly start off with.
3) Carry On by Rainbow Rowell: I will say my judgement is totally biased when it comes to this one. Carry On is a fantasy novel but also a novel with a LGBTQ protagonist – and these two things together have made it my favourite Rainbow Rowell novel. Honestly, whenever I see it lying there in my shelves, I pick it up and fill the pages to whatever chapter I feel like.
Do you also end up having really strong feelings for some books even years after you’re done reading them?
Covid-19 has changed so much about so many things right from hugging people to eating wholesome mala hotpots: and basically everyone has given up something this year. In line with safe distancing measures and just general safety, swimming pools have been shut since lockdown. Swimming is probably one of the most important things in my life and has been for very long. People talk about a lot of things being very therapeutic (like drawing, or journaling or pretty much anything that makes you happy): that’s what swimming is and I think has always been for me.
There have been a lot of different times when I’ve gone months without swimming (the longest was a year, a few years back) and I still remember that feeling of when I finally was back in the water and how satisfying it felt. The thing is that swimming has been such a constant in my life and not a lot of things are. And honestly, how can you absolutely not love swimming? Its just you and the water (and okay maybe sometimes a lot of people), but it’s this rewarding exercise that leaves you breathless but also so calm.
It’s weird how many days have gone by without me getting ready for a swim. The whole process of even waiting to get in has always been a huge thing for me. Because I’ve done crazy things for swimming, like get up at 6:00 in the morning or continue swimming even though I can smell pizza from the pizza parlour next door: things I’d probably never do for anything else in my life. I think it’s actually because nothing is like swimming, or maybe because nothing makes me feel like swimming does. Like I can push all my worries and all my stress in some small box and lock it away, or like I can do anything I set my mind to.
Its been months without swimming and I miss it so much and I can’t wait to get it back.
Season 16, Episode 16 released a while back but I just got around to watching it. Nevertheless, I already knew how the episode was going to go – widely advertised as Alex Karev’s farewell episode, “Leave a Light On” effectively destroys Justin Chambers’ character before he joins a long list of Grey’s Anatomy characters that have been wronged.
As if already knowing the crux of the episode wasn’t enough, I few days ago I found out that Alex Karev disappears long before his farewell episode – with this only being a voice over goodbye to his most important relations.
The 40-minute episode is actually made really well and you will probably tear up if you have loved Alex Karev as much as I have over the years. Its a mini tribute to everything he was and everything he’s been. It shows you precisely how he has changed, grown and undoubtedly become a much, much better version of himself. What makes this ending totally ridiculous is the ending itself. After supposedly being in Iowa with his mother for the last 7 episodes, “Leave a Light On” finally reveals where Alex has really been – not Iowa, which both Jo and Meredith had guessed.
Alex sends four letters that are read out over the course of this episode, one each to Meredith, Jo, Bailey and Richard Webber – possibly the four most important people in his life. In this letter, Alex explains that he will not be coming back, that he has left Seattle, his wife, his job and everyone and everything for good – that he is now the father of twins with Izzie Stevens.
The episode is an emotional ride as the letters being read are supplemented by moments from the last 16 years of Alex’s life. But there are so, so many things wrong with this. Alex mentions in his letter to Meredith that he found out that Izzie had used her eggs and his sperm that they had frozen years ago just around Meredith’s trial but decided to not tell her. But the thing is, all Alex and Meredith have had for the past 5 years is each other and there is no way that Alex would keep this from her. If that isn’t enough, in his letter to Jo he tells her that he loves her but cannot come back and face her. From being someone who constantly ran away from people, problems and love, Alex grew into a fighter. When things got increasingly difficult with Jo and her mental health problems, he never gave up, never ran away – and this makes it very hard to believe how that he wouldn’t come back atleast to leave her properly. Because this is not the person that Alex has grown into, and the fact that they show him as someone who would do this effectively erases all the development his character has had over the years.
What surprises me most is that he does every single thing without having Meredith with him every step of the way. Meredith is his best friend and he is hers. They know each other in and out and support each other unconditionally. The person that Alex is now is not a person who would not involve Meredith in something this big. Alex may have started off as a person with trust issues, someone who had to do everything alone but he hasn’t been that person for really long, and Grey’s sending him right back to that person he was years ago was devastating to watch.
Alex Karev was one of the reasons I stuck with Grey’s for so many years – years after they’d killed off George, Derek and done away with Christina, Arizona and countless amazing characters. Seeing what this season did to him is pretty bad considering that his story and personal growth is definitely that best in the show’s history.
16) 24 – 24 follows Jack Bauer as a Counter Terrorist Unit running around LA stopping terrorist attacks. Each season has 24 episodes that depict 24 hours of one day that Jack spends thwarting a ridiculous amount of threats. 24 is fast-paced, full of crazy plot twists and a million character deaths. Plus, Kiefer Sutherland is really cute at various points. – 6.5/10
17) Space Force – With a pretty stellar cast, Space Force follows Steve Carell constituting a new Space Force to send a habitation mission to the moon. With only 10 episodes, the show is good but a lot of hype was created before it aired and I think that kind of made it a bit boring. – 6/10
18) The Politician – Ben Platt plays a determined candidate running for student body president of his high school but what follows him around are supporting family and friends who are equally determined. Every cast member acts so well that at times you feel its too much. But The Politician gives you unbelievable drama. – 6/10
19) Criminal:UK – Criminal has three episodes that run for 40-50 minutes. Each episodes consists of one suspect being interrogated for a crime they’re hell-bent on saying they didn’t do. I only honestly wanted to watch this because it had David Tennant in the first episode, but the show is gripping. It is definitely slow and is filmed mostly only in one room, but watchable. – 6/10
20) The Fall – Netflix only had two seasons of this super creepy show. 50 shades of grey star Jamie Dornan plays a family oriented man who breaks into young, successful women’s houses and kills them. The British-Irish show is directed pretty well but watching him sneak into houses with such efficiency gave me the creeps for sure. – 6/10
I don’t really care much for software updates – I never do them unless it becomes absolutely necessary for the functioning of my phone. However, the new iPhone update has made things really fun!
Most iPhone updates only end up giving you what android phones usually already have – and so I can never revel in them. Its the same for ios 14 as well, however, ios 14 makes using the phone a lot more fun!
Ios 14 has FINALLY introduced picture-in-picture. I used to watch my brother using it and always get so jealous, and now I too can continue watching Netflix while texting!
Shortcuts have become a totally new regime in this new update. Most specifically, ios 14 has given the option of changing icons for all your apps! Ever since the update released, the internet is filled with users who have since then totally changed all the icons in their phone. This has obviously made the whole process of storing apps on your homescreen amazing.
Another great new feature of this update is the creation of the App Library. I won’t lie about this: I’ve hated how every single app had to be on the homescreen while my brother could nicely hide away apps and only keep what he really wants on the homescreen. Welcome, App Library! App Library stores every single app on your iPhone in its own separate category (Netflix in entertainment, My fitness pal in Health&Fitness) and now you have the choice to delete apps from your homescreen and let them be in the App Library!
The update has introduced a lot more, but these are the main features I’ve been excited about. And here’s what I’ve done:
2020 has been a super weird year for everyone. With nothing much to do and no going out, things have become pretty stagnant and life seems to be in a weird routine-less routine.
Since I’ve practically been sitting at home everyday since March (with the exception of June and July when I interned and went out as Singapore began unlocking itself), there are a few things I’ve begun doing on a daily basis: Here they are!
(i) Drinking Coffee – Its safe to say that I do absolutely love coffee. My day starts with it and I generally have another cup by the evening. Its been a constant now in my life; I did consume a lot of coffee before this time as well but I usually mixed that up with Bournvita, Tea or Hot chocolate. Its only coffee now.
(ii) Listening to music – I know this one seems like a pretty random activity, something that anyone can actually do at any time. But I kid you not, I listen to music every single day. Not one day goes without it. While studying, traveling, reading, cycling and often before I go to bed. I’ve discovered some good music too!
(iii) Calling friends or family – While I was in Singapore I would speak to my family everyday. No joke. But even after being back, I still have a few friends that I speak to almost daily. Even if its not the same people, I am speaking to someone or the other in my life pretty much everyday. 2020 has made people weirdly co-dependent.
How’s your 2020 been like now that its almost over?
